I like to travel. What else can I say?
Pre-Trip
001. Initial Countdown (4/12/2008)
002. On Travel Writing, #1 (5/1/2008)
003. The Return Message (5/22/2008)
004. Nuisance Of Planning (6/3/2008)
005. Hello, Plane Ticket (6/30/2008)
006. Shock Doctrine, Shot Doctrine (10/3/2008)
007. A Haircut To Remember (10/27/2008)
008. What Did I Pack For 6-8 Months Of Travel (10/30/2008)India
009. Flying Is Magical For A Few Rich People, Perhaps (11/4/2008)
010. I Need A Wife (11/5/2008)
011. Early Bird Might Get The Worm, Definitely The Police (11/6/2008)
012. A One Way Ticket To Confusion (11/7/2008)
013. Imagine If DC’s Metro System Were Like This (11/8/2008)
014. Invasive Earwax Removal (11/9/2008)
015. The Geometry Of A Ticket (11/12/2008)
016. I’m No Longer An Auto-Rickshaw Virgin! (11/13/2008)
017. What Would Austin Powers Do? (11/14/2008)
018. Train, Your Mind On This (11/15/2008) [Vid]
019. [F]oxymoron, Phone Home! (11/16/2008)
020. When You Have To Shag, You Have To Shag (11/17/2008)
021. Cow Shit, Motorcycles, And Frogger (11/18/2008)
022. Sitars, Cheech, And Givson Guitars (11/20/2008)
023. The Diarrhea Belt Talks Shit (11/21/2008)
024. Bitch, You Honking At Me (11/22/2008)
025. So This Is A Rajasthani Horse Safari? (11/23/2008)
026. And This Is A Jeep Safari (11/24/2008) [Vid]
027. Would You Pay? (11/25/2008)
028. The Night I Meet A Grammy Award Winner In An Indian Airport (11/28/2008)Bangkok, Thailand
029. If You Want To Get Banned From Entering The United States (12/3/2008)
Phuket, Thailand
030. Phuket’s Medicine (12/4/2008)
031. So This Is Patong Beach? (12/5/2008)Cambodia, Siem Reap
032. So You Think You Can Explore? (12/20/2008)
033. What Did You Do Today Before The Sun Disappeared? (12/20/2008)
034. Moped Crashing Into Tuk-tuk, Tourist With New Story (12/20/2008)Thailand, Chiang Mai
035. My Thai Cooking Class (12/22/2008)
036. I Give You Extra Special Massage (12/23/2008)
037. Do You Know This Al King? (12/23/2008)
038. The Master Masseuse (12/24/2008)
039. Online Dating Profiles (12/27/2008)
040. Caution, This May Occur In A Thai Club Near You (12/28/2008)
041. Buy, Buy, Buy. Eat, Eat, Eat! (12/28/2008)
042. My First Facial (12/28/2008)India, Mumbai
043. Leopold Cafe And International Bloggers (1/5/2009)
India, Goa
044. Big Ass (Drunk) Russians (1/15/2009)
045. Folks, It Is A Cow Jam (1/15/2009)
046. Haggling In India, A Guide (1/16/2009)
047. We Have Jokes, Sort Of (2/22/2009)
048. Logical Terminus Of Christmas Eve (3/7/2009)
049. Parasailing Paradox (3/21/2009)
050. Woe To My Budget (3/28/2009)
051. Flight From Hell (4/4/2009)
… And for those of you still reading, this is the original Irreverence 151* travel FAQ with a few post-travel comments (in bold)…
001. Why do you want to go on a trip like this?
The number one question asked. It began as a whim in the early days of the Travel Channel, long before it sold out as a gluttonous bullshit purveyor of package vacations and poker tournaments. After tip toeing across the continents, I discovered that I enjoy the ambiguity and excitement travel brings. The unknown is exhilarating and the process of exploration is infinitely interesting, limited only by your imagination and your creativity. Routine, while it exists for very logical reasons in the world of work, otherwise sucks. This is why periodically fracturing a monotonous routine provides intense satisfaction, shifts and broadens perspective, and ignites my imagination. So, if you have to ask THIS question (which is asked so often that it is the first listed here), then I’m afraid I can’t help you here. Just read my entries.
002. Where are you going?
After an evening of alcohol induced existential conversation, the next day I kept a log of as many items as possible, annotating the origin of manufacturing on all material items handled. The conclusion was simple. If it is more cost effective to make a product in China, India, and SE Asia , ship it thousands of miles to the United States, mark up the price and sell it to true American patriots at WalMart, Costco, or Bed, Bath & Beyond, then it is also more cost effective to travel to these countries. Basically I‘m reverse engineering our economy.
Nothing is firmly planned, but I expect to generally follow this route:
India – Zambia – India – Thailand – Laos – Cambodia – Vietnam – China
My route looked nothing like this. It was much simpler. India – Thailand – Cambodia – Thailand – India. In a few years I plan on visiting some of the countries I missed…
003. How long will you be traveling?
I have other aspirations, but those are on hold for about 8 months, or until my travel funds are depleted.
I traveled for two months. Blah.
004. How much will this cost?
I’m not too sure about this, but I’m thinking an average of 35 dollars per day.
Not even close! I easily spent 70 dollars per day – and yes, it was worth it.
005. Where do you plan on staying?
Simple. Hostels and cheap ass places that likely harbor a wide variety of insects, mice, and other small critters.
I’d still be traveling if I had stayed in dingy critter ridden hovels. Instead I decided to indulge in the decadence of hot water, clean rooms, and large, comfortable beds.
006. What are you packing?
As little as possible. I travel under the assumption that I will be robbed at some point, so consequently, less is better.
This was a good idea. While I wasn’t robbed, I did manage to return with a backpack and a rucksack full of stuff I acquired overseas – and this was after shipping a HUGE box of potential gifts back to the United States. Additionally, do not bring any light colored (easily stained) clothing. It is pointless.
007. As a scrawny little man-child, aren’t you afraid of being robbed or assaulted?
Fortunately I’m trained in the most lethal and combat-effective defense technique – I can run really, really, really fast for quite some distance.
I learned how to haggle. Anywhere. For anything. Combined with running, I’m now the perfect traveling machine. Ninja chop to your eyeballs!
008. Do you speak any other languages?
Not many, but the few I do know seem to get better with alcohol. And besides, in many of the places I’ve visited, even when I know enough of the local language to ask for directions, inevitably a brilliant combination of hand gestures and rudimentary English quickly take over.
I forgot to mention one other very important language – money.
009. What is the deal with the finger puppet?
It started as an idea in Italy after I bought a few finger puppets from a Gypsy lady. As adolescent egocentrism fades into real estate realism, I have no desire to conquer another UNESCO site or another beautiful vista with my sack of wrinkling skin, so instead, I leave this up to my trusty [F]oxymoron finger puppet. NOTE: I am currently looking to commission a few [F]oxymoron finger puppets, so please send all crafty bastards my way – I’ll gladly promote their stuff.
What the hell was I thinking? …and much to the chagrin of those who dread reading 200-300 words at a time, I didn’t take many photos.
010. How much planning did you do?
A substantial amount over the past few years. Check out the links section for inspiration and information. I strongly recommend www.bootsnall.com. Their forum is awesome.
I doubt it is possible to prepare too much, but at the same time, it is impossible to prepare for everything you’ll encounter on the road. And I believe the resolution of these feelings of uncertainty and ambivalence are a large part of travel’s allure.
011. What do your friends and family think of this trip?
Somewhere between concern for my well-being and relief from my incessant yapping about the “approaching trip”. I imagine it is much like a wedding being announced. It is great news, but after incessantly hearing about guest lists, flower arrangements, and invitations for a few months, most people can‘t wait for the open bar.
The honeymoon period is over. They no longer want to hear stories about how great X or how wonderful Y was in country Q and country Z!
012. Aren’t you worried about getting sick on the road?
I wrote an 11-page paper on diarrhea. Did you really write an 11-page paper on travel and diarrhea? Damn straight I did. At some point I expect to be burdened with Delhi Belly, Montezuma’s revenge, or Katmandhu quickstep, so I think any responsible traveler should be aware of the general causes and treatments for such shit. I’d also like to point out that medical tourism is a significant business in two of the countries I’m visiting.
I caught the pollution – twice. While in India I seemed to catch some sort of cold whenever I spent an extraordinary amount of time riding around in autorickshaws. Aside from this and the consequences of spending an evening overindulging in South Indian coffee, I had absolutely no problems.
013. Are you really an irreverent asshole?
Truly, it is a façade. I cry for every leaf that falls from the great tree of life to a crumply autumnal end. And while Oprah begs me to write inspirational tear-jerkers she can showcase on the Crook of the Month Club, I have no intention of upsetting Niccholas Sparks’ reign. That is a bend in the road I don’t want to take.
014. Why only 151 words?
Many travelogues (d)evolve into account after account of tedious, boring, and irrelevant travel minutia. I don’t want to do that. I simply want a creative abstract with dash of humor, a dash of metaphorical intrigue, and a pinch of irreverence that accurately captures my state of mind for the day (or at least a segment of it). And if this is intriguing enough, in the future, maybe I‘ll write more at length.
I tried. I failed. My start was reasonably on target, but the longer I traveled, the longer my posts grew. I haven’t checked, but I’m fairly certain most, if not all my posts were under 400 words.
*Irreverence 151 – This is my traveling nom de plume.
