042. I arrive at the spa and I’m introduced to a woman responsible for coordinating my spa experience. She looks at me, a piece of paper that has my spa package information, and then back at me.
“Do you want the anti-cellulite massage?” she asks.
With a smile I pinch my arm to demonstrate an outrageous lack of body fat.
“No.”
“OK, you can replace.”
I look at a mesmerizing list of spa indulgences.
I should do something I’ve never done.
Bust enhancement massage… what kind of massage is that? Will it include modern porn music?
Body Scrub… so, I’m paying for a shower? No thanks.
Deep Cleansing Facial Treatment… Wait a minute, this sounds familiar. I’ve heard about these things. I even make fun of them. Let’s see what this shit is about.
“You can add a facial to my package instead,” I say.
And that was my fist mistake.
Naked, a towel resting over my man goods, a woman applies another mask of gunk onto my face. I wait. And wait. And wait. I know it is coming again. Soon she removes the gunk and applies some more gunk. And then she begins what I imagine is yet another “cleansing” portion of the facial.
Damn, this is not relaxing or enjoyable! Why doesn’t she rub sand paper over my [F]ucking face! [F]uck this! Women are insane… though most don’t have facial hair… [F]uck this shit. [F]oxymoron, next time you get a facial, shave you damn fool!
The facial eventually ends and the two hour hot oil massage begins – I’m ecstatic.
I just had my first facial this week. I knew it wasn't going to be all fun and games when the aesthetician uttered the word "extraction."
Oh, that sounds heavenly. ALL of it.
That’s awesome that you’re opening yourself up to new experiences.. tee hee. Whatever you do, though, do NOT do the microderm abrasion. DO NOT…
Really? Last Christmas I had a facial and a massage at a spa… and I actually enjoyed the facial much more than the back rub. I think mostly because the massage was so painful. The facial wasn’t exactly pleasant, but I saw the crap she removed from my nose… at least it DID something.
Oh, facials are my favorite. I'm surprised she was that rough with you, though. It may have been the place – facials aren't supposed to be traumatizing to your skin in any way.
Ladies – So am I correct in assuming that a facial is supposed to be nothing but pure joy!
… Never again…