Recently it has come to my attention that the female phrase used to describe that consistent draw towards all things baby and cute is changing. Or maybe it already has. According to my research, the new hipster term for “I want a baby but I’ll never state this with unabashed matronly certainty in the presence of potential mates” is a simple “that makes my uterus ache.”
I was amongst women in their mid to late twenties when I first heard this phrase deployed in conversation. At the time I wasn’t sure if I had just stumbled into a secret meeting of the “BabyPlotter, BabyPopper’s Club” or if I was simply wearing my drunk ears. Regardless, I laughed and commented on the brilliance of such a statement, real or not, appropriated the phrase, and quickly used every opportunity possible to inject the phrase into conversation. Examples included, but were not limited to…
“Can you grab me a beer, my uterus aches?”
“Those Doritos, yep, they make my uterus ache.”
“That’s a great book. It made my uterus ache.”
“Yep, she makes my uterus ache.”
And so the tyranny of immaturity, however tinctured with the mature fermentation of alcohol, continued throughout the festive evening. Towards the end of the evening I began to realize how useful a uterus could be, outside of baby making.
I now realize the underlying lack of logic in making such grand statements, but with a bit of booze and a touch of humor, trust me, it will make sense. But this brings up an important question. What is the male equivalent?
My conclusion is profound (-ly stupid). If I want to subtly hint at my desire to have children all I have to do is litter a conversation with this simple phrase… “ahhh, that makes my testicles ache”.
Take that uterus!
You could totally use that as a pick-up line: “Baby, you’re so hot you make my testicles ache.”
G-can – I don’t know… ladies, you’ll have to grab this one
Overt references to my lads have only occasionally proven fruitful in social situations, but gadzooks — I’d give one of them up to get my hands on a plush uterus like the one pictured above!
bahah Grab this one?
Yeah if a guy used that as a pickup line, I would laugh – if he was cute, I would buy him a drink, at this point anything is possible.
matt – i believe you can purchase such a thing on Etsy… Etsy is not a whore house in Eastern Europe… to the best of my knowledge
Zip – ha! well, i’ve never used that phrase as a pick up line, but if I do (most likely preceded by a lethal combination of beer, wine, and liquor), I’ll be sure to write about it
ya never know I could be that girl at the bar sending you over a drink – I still can’t believe I did that.
zip – btw, that was totally ballsy and hot. But just imagine if you’d sent over a plush, stuffed uterus like in the pic above – with a drink!
If someone said, “That makes my testicles ache,” I think I’d ask you if you wanted to take care of that now or later.
Unless you were super icky and then I’d probably call security.
“That makes my seeds hurt”?
How about the insult we men also use against ourselves when one of is acting like a pansy — “Is your vagina dripping?”
See? That’s a winning pick-up line. It’s so funny that you HAVE to buy the guy a drink. He deserves one for delivering a line that like.
k8 – … laughing … must be those boots!
Arjewtino – the phrasing of that question will make or break the deal, i think. Like are we talking Quaqmire-esqu, Stewie-esque, or Brian-esque…
G-can – If zip and G-can say it is so, then it must be…
True and Slightly Related Story:
Years ago I went for after work drinks with a couple of people on my staff to one of the places that due to proximity and late hours caters to a post restaurant shift crowd. There was a new bartender this evening. She is of the variety of hotness where she presumes a man who is breathing is hitting on her. Being the benevolent boss, I went to the bar to buy the first round of drinks. She was significantly less than friendly as I ordered drinks. When she walked away to pour, I said to myself “She was so cold I think my boys just rose an inch for protection.” Apparently it was loud enough for the woman next to me to hear because she laughed. We then began a conversation that led to a couple of dates and a years long friendship.
and with apologies for the lameness that is the tag, tag.
http://restaurantrefugee.wordpress.com/2008/10/21/resistance-wasn’t-quite-futile-but-i-have-succumbed-to-the-tag/
Yikes. I can’t see myself ever saying this. I never plan on reproducing, though, so maybe that’s it.
if someone used that around me, id prolly laugh so hard that id fall off whatever it is that im sitting on.
although if you were creepy looking itd prolly just freak me out =)
I’ve heard that line somewhere before (“That makes my uterus ache”), but I’ve never used it myself and I’ve never heard it from any of my friends.
Now, in all truthfulness, I DO sometimes point out cute toddlers that I see (never young babies, though…their features are too difficult to distinguish to see if they’re actually cute or not). But I still think they’re cutest when they have parents nearby to take care of them.
RR – you’re a baller bro!
Aine – reproducing is overrated anyway… besides, we can always outsource
hina – laughing is probably better than the look that was undoubtedly etched on my face when I first heard the phrase
Zandria – well said… well, well, well, well, said
This post made my uterus ache. Then my boys rose an inch for protection.
twinkie – ha! nice…
I’m stickin’ with: “If my cat dies…”
Ida –
HA! I’d rather go with “that makes my balls twitch”